What is Happening, Part One

Scars, Book One, Entry Five (From the Perspective of Evi)

The ritual began a while ago.

Now, she is unsure about how much time passed since first seeing Pippi in the bathroom. And, with nothing to do, Evi listens to the chaos from the long hallway at the back of the dingy basement of a dingy bar.

She Thinks:

Fuck.

She slides down the wall, curling her knees into her body. Without thinking, she strikes her hand into the brick.

She curses again and cries out in her head.

Why did I do that?

Evi shakes out her hand as pain shoots into her fingers and down her forearm.

It is a bad time to feel lost as her mind spins:

What am I doing?

What else is there to do?

How about we go somewhere new?

Nope, we are here.

Anywhere else?

We gotta help Pippi.

All we can do is show up.

No more running.

But all we know is running.

And hitting brick walls, apparently.

The ritual's Illuminations, attracted by Evi's scream, slowly spill into the hallway following the winding corridor.

Small, dim waves of colors begin crashing over Evi, huddled against the wall. She sighs, then looks at her hand in the creepy glow.

It looks fine.

Yeah, like we would know.

What the fuck is happening?

Dunno.

Think of something else; this isn't helping.

Brie flashes in Evi's mind, then Aldo.

Oh, Aldo has got to be pissed working the bar by himself.

And where is Brie?

What is happening?

Thinking of Golden Hours ripping through the atmosphere somewhere above them stirs her anxiety.

Evi knows all too well that this part of the cycle leaves any dreamer exposed, 'specially if they are in a bad way or chemically impaired.

Where did Pippi even come from?

She wants to scream out as her thoughts spin out of control. But Evi knows she has to keep her cool as aspects of the colors ebbing and flowing are both beautiful and full of danger.

Evi watches colors swirl, crest, and break over her like a rock on the shoreline.

Each wave sends shivers of subtle psychic expression through her.

The dingy bar in the heart of the dingy city is a radical place.

It can be pretty cozy when surrounded by the passion of friends and lovers.

But it is dangerous to exist alone, scared and confused on the periphery of rituals performed here.

Fuck.

What are we doing?

Where is Brie?

Evi watches the heavy curtain dispel the approaching waves, and she knew it meant Pippi was safe for now.

Better to expose herself by sitting outside the room between the ritual and Pippi rather than attracting the light somewhere she wouldn't want it to go.

She shivers as a sapphire wave washes over her. The waves drags up memories. Evi relives bitter days spent in inky fogs.

Ink, known as the drug of dreams.

Ink was terrifying.

And exhilarating.

Mmmhmm, that escape.

We have been on that horizon too many times.

Dancing on the edge about to tumble.

She quickly shakes the memories away.

"Hey, focus," She whispers to herself.

What about later?

What do we do when everything passes?

Pippi is here.

We help her.

It's pretty simple.

It really isn't.

And we really don't have to do anything for her.

How do we even help her?

Doesn't matter.

We gotta help her.

Ugh, we gotta help her?

Evi's chest thumps. Tears of frustration and helplessness roll down her cheeks in reaction to a brilliant emerald light.

It presses into her heart space.

Memories of ink surface:

Remember that sweet horizon?

Delirium–

Delight–

Nightmare–

What if we escape there again?

That would be awful.

It would be something.

Delirium–

Delight–

Nightmare–

We wouldn't come back from it.

We could, maybe?

Not again.

We can't risk it.

Evi hugs her shins harder.

Currents of anxiety course through her body, feeding the knot in her stomach with each muffled beat of the bass drum from the stage somewhere beyond.

How did we even make it back from that edge so many times?

So many others broke.

We know how to run.

We still know how to run.

Do we?

This is bad.

We are in trouble

Evi's stomach knots tighter.

This is the moment where she runs.

I can't run.

Not this time.

What about before?

Those were rough times.

It is better now.

Pippi looks rough.

Dosed too much.

It's not just tonight.

She's been rolling for a while.

We've been there.

She was rolling back in Orca.

The last time we saw her.

We could have helped her then.

Fuck.

We didn't look much better after we skipped town.

That first time tracing ink in that tower.

That was a long time ago, Evi-Love.

We are better, kinda.

We can help her now.

Will she even want our help?

The crowd roars, and the music tears.

Color and sound wash over Evi.

"It is too much." She gasps, clenching her jaw.

Tears roll down her blushing cheeks.

Ugh, what is happening?

A wave of fatigue eventually quiets Evi's sobs as a purple haze glides into the hallway.

This cycle was going to be amazing.

What happened?

"I will not break." She mutters aloud.

Pippi broke us once.

Brie saved us.

Where are they?

This cycle is ruined.

We are ruined.

Wisps of silver creeping down the hallway shade the emerald current.

Evi's head spins.

Her heart races.

They are going hard tonight.

We can't handle this.

We could just leave. Maybe?

And go where?

We have worked so hard to be here.

And it is just not us anymore.

Fuck, we are in so much trouble.

I can't handle this.

Why did I hit the wall?

At least it's kinda distracting.

Yeah, perfect; start hurting yourself again as a distraction.

Evi holds back the urge to slap the wall again by grabbing one wrist with her other hand. Everything inside screams for release. She craves escape.

She seriously considers walking away from this dump, leaving the rundown, broken city.

A city of shattered dreamers chasing shadows.

Life is running.