I think I’m done.

I signaled I needed help and all I received in return were three little words.

I can’t make this effing stuff up. It’s been coming for a while now.

I’ve been prepping to go without knowing I was going anywhere: savoring all I could within each room and place. I’ve been feeling nostalgic: remembering the moments that made me feel all sorts of feels; remembering what Orca used to be and how the dream changed.

The things that can happen in a few cycles (think months) and a couple phases (think a week where nights never turned to day but change from red to violet to blue to green to gold based on the moons and stars).

I thought I needed the dreamers I vibed with, those places I felt comfortable in. Was there any actual comfort or was I looking to be witnessed?

As the witness, most of it doesn’t feel real. There are still connections that I will crave, but I can no longer vibe with Orca or the denizens of the sprawling dream.

It doesn’t feel right.

Feel real.

“Orca doesn’t feel real because it isn’t real.”

Her words echo in my mind.

“Orca is all a dream dreamers are dreaming,” she mused, “It isn’t right or wrong, its just not real. There are dreams beyond these walls; beyond Orca’s noise and expectation. The dreams dreamt beyond have edges that draw blood, but there is beauty to their sharpness.”

Then I saw them on the street unexpectedly, and they said three words that burned.

How one chance meeting changes the dream, and another changes it again.

I know my self worth is not dependent on those dreamers or defined by the finely curated Orca dream-sprawl.

For the longest time, I kept pushing the decision aside, ignoring it, resenting it. I kept saying give it two more cycles; take a phase to think. I was asked to give it some more time by those I confided in.

Each time I decided to stay longer, something in my heartspace loosened.

Moments ago, whatever was loosening fell away.

Weight I didn’t know I was carrying melted from my shoulders.

I felt unstuck. Why do we feel unstuck in the same moment we understand how stuck we are?

The dream is a bad trip, and I feel done.

What is beyond doesn’t make sense, but I am going into the sharper dreams being dreamt, whatever that means.

Maybe if they had said more than three words.

Maybe if they had said three different words.

Maybe if she had only said three words.

They didn’t say enough and she did.

So, I am done.

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